Blue
by Meelu the Bold
Summary: I do not know days, reader, as there is no sun or moon in my prison. Blue is my sun and moon, now.


Blue has given me paint and some paper to use. She surmises correctly that I am bored to tears—and other things to tears as well. I ignore the paper. I want my biography to be as permanent as possible. I don't know how long this paint will last on these walls, that if when I die Blue or whoever else is interning me here will not simply wash away these strange letters on the walls and put a new prisoner in my place. I can only hope that my sisters or brothers or friends will survive and find this narrative or if not, then someone with a grasp of my language, so that the horrors inflicted on me will not go unknown.

My name is Lillia and I am a daughter of Serenes.

**..0..**

I'm sorry, reader. Blue interrupted me, and whenever I try to write on these walls, she overpowers me and stops me. It is only by Ashera's blessing that she does not try to cleanse the walls of my narrative.

Serenes was my home

They took me while

_(These lines and some following are blurred or rubbed out.)_

I cannot think on my home. I am sorry, reader, but you will have to wait until I am able to think on this subject without weeping or losing the words. I do not have the strength to start at the beginning.

Let me start with Blue.

Blue is a beorc woman with long azure hair to her knees and eyes of the same color. I was prepared—so prepared!—to hate her with every fiber in me, every feather, hair, and drop of blood. But Blue is such a sweet and calming presence. It is almost as though she is a Heron herself, shorn of wings. Blue is my only consolation.

Blue visits twice daily for a few hours and brings food and small comforts and amenities. She removes the pot that I relieve myself in and presumably cleans it. She brings me fresh clothing and things to stave off my feminine bleeding. Blue is the only thing in my life which is good and happy now.

**..0..**

I do not know days, reader, as there is no sun or moon in my prison. Blue is my sun and moon, now.

**..0..**

I have decided to start in pieces. I will start with the happy things, only.

My name is Lillia, as you already know. I have two brothers, both younger and three sisters. Leanne, my youngest sister, is scarcely a fledgling—we were so afraid for her

_(Line is rubbed out.)_

Lantana and Laverna are the names of my other sisters. We are triplets, the three of us. My brothers are Raphael and Reyson, and they are only about a decade apart from each other—Reyson is the elder. I hope that my family has survived. I know that Leanne has—but Laverna—

_(Line is abruptly ended.)_

**..0..**

I drew my family for Blue. I learned the modern word for it as well—she drew a beorc male. I think he is her mate. The drawing is actually very poor, since Blue has no talent. Arguably, I have none, either—Reyson's nose looks fairly un-Reysonlike and my father is completely unrecognizable. Thank Ashera that laughter is the same in all languages—being with Blue allows me to forget.

**..0..**

I can't ignore

I can not go on not writing about it—that night. When they took me, Serenes was in flames. My beloved home was gone in—all up in fire. If not for Blue, I would hate all the beorc.

**..0..**

There was a horrible presence that night, and it lingered on all our thoughts beforehand. I could not concentrate, I remember this. I recall the day with clearest detail, as though it has been burned into me.

Lantana and I took Leanne from my mother's side and into the shrine when we heard of the beorc on the forest's edge. We knew. I do not know how. But we knew. Leanne was too young to understand fully. Laverna found the galdr we needed in the library of compositions. That library is gone now.

Leanne is safe. She is asleep. I hope one day to return to her.

She did not understand what we were saying—she kept looking at me strangely. I heard the screams shortly afterward, when we had hidden her beneath the shrine stones.

**..0..**

Leanne was my youngest sister, and also my sweetest. Lantana and I often fought, and Laverna was always rather aloof.

I remember holding her by the hair so that she would not lose us. She could just barely flutter—and we had to fly. She said to me, "Sister—sister—where are we going? I do not understand!"

A piece of branch whipped me in the face. We did not dare fly above the canopy for fear of the arrows. Lantana answered in my place.

"Leanne—hush! Hush, we will tell you when you wake up."

Lantana—I have been holding a candle of hope for days (weeks?) now but I know something. I know that she is dead. I saw the beorc who killed her, ran her through with a sword before taking me and breaking my wings. I can only think he is a beorc—he smelled like fire and metal. He was totally enclosed in black metal.

He is the one in my nightmares.

**..0..**

Blue is my joy and my light. If I am only able to write one thing today, this is the only thing I want to say.

**..0..**

Today, Blue brought me some flowers from outside. I recognize only one of the blossoms, but anything of Ashera's creation is welcome. Blue saw that I liked them. I think I will be seeing flowers for some days to come, because when she saw how much I liked the paint, she brought jar after jar.

When I first met Blue, I would not let her near. My wings throbbed from where they were broken and I could not see through my right eye or use my legs. I was hideous, for I had been badly burned in the fire. My hair was gone. I would not let Blue treat me. I upset the healing salves she had and pushed away the staves.

It was the night when I first began to see the black metal beorc in my dreams that Blue won me over. I screamed that night, in the darkness, and Blue was with me immediately—she took me in her arms. She held me until I did not smell fire or metal.

Blue comforted me. Her balance is so strong; I thought that I was in the arms of my mother.

**..0..**

Blue lent me a mirror when I first started to recover. I learned the modern word for it, "mirror." I believe that that is how it sounds, although I cannot write it in that language. It took hours to convey that thought to her—"mirror. Mirror."

I wanted to see my face—I was in poor shape, but not too bad. My hair was growing back—my eyebrows, too—my face was relatively untouched. It was my body that sustained such damage.

I'm sorry, reader. I hear Blue, and I must not let her know that I have been up and about. My legs pain me grievously and I must crawl to this corner to write. I cannot fly or walk.

**..0..**

I must write about him.

There was a beorc—in regal clothing. He thrust Lehran's medallion into my hands and demanded something of me in his language. I can only assume he meant the dark god.

**..0..**

It saps me so, to write about the beorc man. So many beorc are evil! That is not true of Blue. But those two—my people were slaughtered for this.

I calmed myself and saw into him. The beorc in king's robes wants to use the dark god for his own ends. He is insane.

I told him in my language several times, "I can not. I am not capable. Release me for I am useless to you." He struck me—I was taken away to a dark place that I cannot bear to think of.

That evil beorc came to me several times. I will say no more other than that I was tortured. I hate him. I hate him. I screamed at him, "Murderer! You will get nothing from this!" when he pulled my head from the water.

He did not understand. After that I was brought here. Blue is the only beorc I've seen since.

**..0..**

I have begun to learn Blue's language. I know the word "room" now. Also, "bed," "door," and "dress."

I can barely pronounce these words.

**..0..**

I was looking at Blue's drawing and was suddenly overcome with a great longing for my own mate. I wept for a very long time. I will never see Lyro again. I will never wind my arms around his neck or feel the down of his feathers again. I sang our marriage song several times before I fell asleep with my body on fire for him.

**..0..**

Blue taught me either the word for mate or _her_ mate's name, I am not sure which.

The word is something like "Gawain."

**..0..**

Blue is now learning my language.

I taught her a few lines to a song than helps with early morning illness, since she seems to be suffering. I taught her to say hello and goodbye. I know how to say those in the modern tongue too, know.

Blue has a good voice. She is so much like a Heron—how was she ever born a beorc? Sometimes I think Ashera made a mistake with her. Blue and I should have been old friends back in Serenes.

**..0..**

Today I vomited everything, dear reader. My feminine bleeding has not come for several of Blue's visits now, since I measure time by her now. I can see my face waning in the mirror.

Today I vomited everything I had eaten. I don't think I will last long.

**..0..**

Blue can hold Lehran's medallion. I thought that beorc couldn't but she is so much like a Heron—I can't believe it—it is as though she is a laguz, reader. She found it under my pillow as she was cleaning. I tried to remove it so that she would not touch it—Blue got to it first.

She smiled and examined it for a moment, stroking the bronze designs, before handing it to me.

**..0..**

I have a plan. For the first time in ages, in this hell—I feel light and hopeful.

**..0..**

I have been teaching Blue, with the last of my strength, to sing the song of release. I have learned the word for "forest" and "return."

I repeated these words several times before I had to draw it out.

Who would think? All that effort solved with a little paint.

**..0..**

Blue and I "talked" again today. She could not communicate with words, but we have our drawings now. She drew a picture of herself, with something inside her. Blue is with chick—I found myself imagining a little girl just like her. I drew that and Blue laughed—and drew a boy.

I have not felt so happy in ages. When Blue left, I drew wings onto the child and herself, and then crumpled up the paper, holding it to my heart.

**..0..**

I could not breathe easily today, although I was careful to hide it from Blue.

**..0..**

I gave Blue the medallion today. I drew her a picture—she needs to hide it and take it away. I drew a forest and said, "Serenes."

"Serenes," she repeated. "Serenes for-rest."

Yes! Yes, Blue knows. She took the medallion reluctantly.

Today I was not able to rise from my bed. I imagined Lyro to be my pillow—I often rested my head on his feathers. It made the pain easier to bear.

**..0.. **

Blue came. She seemed sorrowful.

**..0..**

I feel so weak.

**..0..**

I don't think I will be able to write much more after this. I feel like I could not write another word—I feel that I will soon be in Ashera's forest. My consolation is that I will see my family and friends and mate there—oh, Blue. Blue's name—the word for her name—I don't know. I think—I think that it is something like "Ell-ey-nah."

_(Remaining line is gibberish.)_

**..0..**

Blue—I hope that you made it. I hope that they have not found the medallion or taken it from you. I hope that you are not dead—I hope that you and your mate are in safety. I hope your chick is born easily—I hope that you have many chicks. If this is the last thing I can write—I want this to be it.

**..0..**

_These are the words of my sister, Lillia, as best as I can translate. I pray that both she and Elena, General Ike's departed mother, have found peace in Ashera's forest. On behalf of the Heron nation, I formally thank her, however belatedly, for her service to our people and to my sister._

_--Reyson_


End file.
